Why should I always be wondering and worried about if Im hurting his feelings? If you turned the tables, Kevin wouldnt give a shit if he did something mean to me to get his way. For example, when we broke up, the circumstances were completely miserable for me in more ways than just in our relationship, but he thought he was doing something that would make himself happier, so he didnt care how bad it hurt me. When I think about it, its always about the other person. I never do anything for me if I think that doing so will make somebody else uncomfortable, even if it means sacrificing my own wants/needs/beleifs. Its about time I confront some of the things that are keeping me from being really happy.

-Kevin and I will be just friends no matter how hard he tries, at least until I want him back
-I wont let any more guys like Wes push me around or take advantage of me
-Im not gona be too scared to say no to things I dont want to do
-Im NOT going to be scared to go after and get what I want. :)

Anyways, today I spent a lot of time doing absolutely nothing. I talked to Lexi on the phone and cleaned and shit. At 6, I went to Chris' house, and him and I went swimming. We swam till 8 and then went back to his place and started watching the VMAs with his little brother. Adam called me, and he came over, then we all (besides the lil bro) came to my house. We watched the show here and talked and had fun. I was expecting to do something hella fun tonight cuz its the last non-schoolnight of summer, but I think I would have rather been doing nothing with them.

Tomorrow Im going running in the morning and then Im supposed to go to an interview thing at the Outback Steakhouse (where Kristin and Liz work) with Cait. That would be sooo fun to work with them! And then Im supposed to be going somewhere important with Kevin, but he kinda brushed me off on that..so we will see. If not.....there could be some big issues coming up. And then I need to go to the Brown Bag cafe and get an application, because they are hiring too! So much to do on the last day of summer! And none of it should be fun..Oh well at least I wont be at school! lol. Anyways Im fucking tired as all hell, so Im gona hit the hay!


**Hillary*