Today was really good and fun! I got up at 11 45 and went to curves with Eileen. I weighed myself and I lost another 5 pounds. yay! I knew something was goin good at soccer camp! So after we worked out, Eileen and I walked over to Bartells and got her some hair dye. When we were walking back to my house..we noticed a group of guys..MOVING INTO A CONDO IN MY COMPLEX!!! Anyways, we went to her house and I dyed her hair and then took a shower...and Caitlin came over and we had Evans birthday dinner. It was BOMB! tortellini with bread and salad. yummy! Then Kevin came and got me and we went to Blockbluster. As we were leaving, we saw his mom and gma just standing at DQ staring at us and we were both like OH SHIT! we pulled up next to her and she just mumbled some stuff and asked what movie we got and then told Kevin :we'll talk later: ohhh! I was scared!! So we went back to Eileens and watched Naked Gun. Then we played cards and talked and then Kevin and I left. We were driving down the street and he gave me a pop can to throw out the window. I threw it and all this pop flew back at me! I was like EW!! and he gave me another one and I threw it. nothing bad happened. then he gave me ANOTHER one..and I went to throw it out, but I missed the hole..and smacked my hand REALLY hard on the top thing of the window. I think I broke the tip of my finger. :( but now Im home and Im thinking about how I said my day was really good and fun..and really I didnt do anything very fun..but still I had a really good time lol..
OH I know what was fun that I did..Eileen and I spent like 2 hours going through the phone book and calling every single restaurant between here and timbucktoo asking if they were hiring. It was soo funny what some people said!! One guy answered and I said "Hi I was wondering if you guys are hiring?" and he goes "may I ask whos calling?": and I said 'ummm this is Hillary..are you hiring?' and he goes 'Hiring??' and I said 'yes...?' and he goes 'Um..no. sorry bye." haha it was wierd..he didnt speak english very well..anyways I guess Im off to bed, I think this is the most boring post Ive ever made


I sit and think so much and all I can think of is "if only..." It could have been so perfect if one thing were different, but then we would have found out later on that it really...wasnt perfect. I guess its better to know now than get hurt worse later, but I wish we could live with ignorant bliss for a little bit longer.
Hillary

This is all I have to say about today so far..Rachel IMed me out of nowhere..and said this:

SeXyLcKr3w3r: i aint know if u talked to chantel or not but i just wanted to say sorry for about all the drama shit and it wasnt cool on both parts and i hope everyone can start fresh
giggins2: what made you change your mind
SeXyLcKr3w3r: i juss aint want the school year to start off gay and plus its all old and should be put back
SeXyLcKr3w3r: i aint said we had to be friends im juss sayin i think that it shold juss drop
giggins2: I dont think I can forget all the shit you said about me
SeXyLcKr3w3r: thats understandable
giggins2: I never wanted to start anything with it, and I never had shit against you, so Ill just stay the same. But thats fine with me if you want to stop talkin shit

(Im Giggins and she is Sexylckr3w3r)

It makes me wonder if Natanya died and Rachel realized she has no friends other than that? Then again, she could think she is being the better person about this. But Im not the one who lied continually, called me a fat ass despite my history with EDs, held a grudge for more than half a year, and was completely unwilling to admit being wrong. For that, I think I will be happy to never talk to her again.

Hillary!

I felt this thing like a knot in my stomach. Tightening more and more everytime we talked. Now that theres a boundary, I feel it loosening and going away...
 
Me and Kevin just had a long talk. We decided to be just friends.
 
I feel really relieved and....free again!
 
Single (and Looking ;))!

ROCKIA CAME HOME THE DAY I LEFT FOR CAMP!!

WOW..Soccer camp was the gayest thing ever. I didnt talk to anyone there and my room was soo tiny. Basically, a hellish experiance all around, but the soccer and work outs were very good..Im still sore and I got home at noon yesterday lol.

At camp Kevin called me and I told him that I think we should just be friends. I came home, and he took me out to lunch at godfathers. It was akward..then I came home and Kristin called me to go on a boat with her, stacey, and the bellevue guys we went to the party with and had our accident. her and stacey came and got me and then we went and got cait and liz and went to the dock. We saw the boat and all started laughing. there were....6 or 7 guys on the boat already and they expected all of us to get on too..and the boat was TINY! so we went out into the water and we all jumped in and went swimming. We were out on the boat for a while tubing and stuff..and then we came in and Cait and I went to her house. We were planning on going back out with those guys later but Kristin and Liz couldnt leave again cuz their mom was being gay. So Kevin and Ameer came and got me and Cait and we went to Wendys. Cait got some chicken nuggets and a frosty..and she broke her flip flop. We dropped ameer off at home and then went to Marymoore park and watched a random baseball game. it was a really boring night..and I missed newlyweds for nothing..Kevin and Cait both thought I was mad at something..but I wasnt. Kevin dropped us off at Caits and then we went over to Chantels till 12 30ish. some stupid dramas goin on with her right now but Im gona blame it on PMS and just talk to her in a few days.

TODAY !! Today I felt like a major dare devil!! I woke up in Caits hella comfy bed and then her and I went downstairs and did buns of steel! we were going to go running but it was hella hot and I cant walk because I have these huge blisters on my feet from soccer camp..:( So at 12 30 ish Kristin and Liz and Allison came to get us and we drove to seattle...we got SOOO LOST and this damn volvo was going LITERALLY 35 on the freeway so after being stuck behind her for like 10 minutes we all flipped her off as we passed her.

we went to the Arboretum bridge and jumped off!!!!

OMG it was soooooooooooooo fun and sooo scary!!!! Im really scared of heights so it was hard, but me and Kristin were the first to jump. Its 40+ feet high and there were a few other people doing it. The next time I jumped me and Cait were supposed to go together but we counted to three and she didnt jump!!! I think I broke my ass that time too. These construction guys were watching us lol, and they told me Kristin and Liz that we had some major balls! After that we went to the beach and went swimming. Allison had some fucked up ness in her ears (swimmers ear) and so after like 40 mins she wanted to go back home. We took her home and then Cait and I walked to my house. We were both wearing shorts and bikini tops, and these guys stopped on the road next to us and were like HEY!! WHERES THE BEACH!?...it was wierd.. We went through all my magazines and looked for pictures of Jessica and Paris and we cut out all of the ones we found so we can make things for our walls.. anyways cait just went home and now Im gona start getting ready for bed..im soo tired!!

Tomorrow Im supposed to be hangin out with Stacey and the twins. I invited Kristin and Liz to chelan, I hope they can go..that would be so fun!! wow.

****I LOVE SUMMER****

*Hillary*

OH I saw Jessica Flores today. I love my life without her in it. God what a fake fat bitch she is..ugh

Im leavin for soccer camp in 2 hours..I hope its gona be fun, cuz I dont know anyone who will be there. I was talking to Greg last night about it and he was saying that his fratERNITY (lol happy Greg?) house is a couple minutes away, and that the staff wouldnt probably let me go if I told them "oh yeah, Im just gona go hang out at my friends frat house for the night". haha that would be fun tho.
Yesterday it was like 4000 degrees outside and Caitlin Chantel Eileen and I went out to lunch at Olive Garden for Caits bday. I was walkin to the bus stop, and this guy came out of the back of the bar and was staring at me for like a minute..then he smiled and went back inside till I got closer, then he came back out and said HI! and I just was like uhh hi....and then I walked to the front of the building, and he ran out the front and asked me how my day was going. wow that was scary but funny. Eileen got on the bus, and we realized we looked totally opposite. I was wearing my tight red st. thomas skirt with  a white  baby t. She was wearing a plaid skirt and socks with her converses, and a black t shirt with a punk bank name on it. lol. Then we got to Olive garden and we realized all 4 of us were wearing skirts. It was kinda embarrassing and looked like we had planned it. Our waitress was such a bitch!! We ordered 4 unlimited garden salad meals, and she brought us out some breadsticks and a big bowl of salad. Then I asked for a straw and she came back and threw it into my cup and gave us the check!  I was like WHAT THE FUCK!? we had only been there for less than 10 minutes..but then when our salad was gone, she totally ignored us for our refill and we sat there waiting for prolly 10 more minutes. She went to every table besides ours, and I made eye contact with her to ask her but she just looked away and went to the back.  So we had to ask another waiter to bring us more. God! Then we left and we were all planning to just leave her a tip of like 10 cents, but Chantel left a 3 dollar tip and didnt tell us till we had left. We took the bus to Eileens and had ice cream cake. It was soo fucking hot! We went down and played nintendo forEVER and I thought for a minute I didnt hate it anymore, and then after like 45 minutes, I realized I still hate it a lot. Nintendo is so stupid.  Then Kevin and I went with my mom and Dan out to dinner, and that was basically all...sept I bought a new cool eyelash curler too.. Now I gota go finish packin!!
 
Hillary!

Today was a pretty damn good day for me. I got up and payed my mom 85 dollars towards my car and then went to babysit at 10. I finished the 150 pages left in the book I was reading then I came home at 5 30. Chuck payed me 150$. I put aside 60 dollars, 40 for my sis and 20 for Greg. Then I set another 45 aside for the bank (insurance $$ :() and then Caitlin came over. We hung out for a while, then Kevin her and I went Jamba Juice and then to Bell square. I got 2 new pairs of shorts, and some Victoria Secret Very Sexy For Her :) Im so happy!! I needed to go shoppping...and now I only have 3 dollars left out of the spending money I gave myself. I guess Im only gona be putting 40 in the bank for saving cuz I gota pay for lunch tomorrow. We came back here, and my mom gave me my new flip/camera phone!! I was so happy..but then I started getting confused by it. me and Cait couldnt figure it out for a long time so at like 11 she left and we 'gave up' on it..lol too bad its 1 AM and I just put it down cuz I realized I gota get up and go work out in the morning!! I leave for soccer camp on Sunday..and I just found out today that its only a 4 day camp..not a whole week! I am kinda sad about that actually..but whatever. Kevin and I had a talk tonight about what was not going so well..so I hope that goes better.. Guess its time to hit the hay..OH MY GOD I almost forgot!! It was 101 degrees today! what a SCORCHER lol..no but it really was fuckin hot..and I think its gona be like that all weekend
 
Hillary!**
 
oh!! 2 compliments today on how well my hair looks..and that its lightening up!! YAY! thanks mom and Kevin lol

Jealousy, that dragon which slays love under the pretence of keeping it alive
 
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.  We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?  Actually, who are you not to be?  Your playing small does not serve the world.  There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.  We are all meant to shine, as children do.   It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.  And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.  As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. 
 
If malice or envy were tangible and had a shape, it would be the shape of a boomerang.

It's hard to fight an enemy who has outposts in your head.
 
A gold medal is a nice thing - but if you're not enough without it, you'll never be enough with it.

Promise only what you can deliver.  Then deliver more than you promise. 

Sometimes I think if there was a third sex men wouldn't get so much as a glance from me

 

Tomorrow Jessica Simpson is going to be at the White River Ampitheatre and I wont be there, what a horrible day tomorrow will be..
Today I did a lot. I babysat from 10-5. Got my hair done at CS at 6....and got mooned while I was there and also got a free 20 minute tan. That was nice.sept my ass is so burnt and thats not very comfortable..Then I got my sweatshirt back from kevin...who is being a major ass today and getting on my nerves to the max.. anyways tonight chantels family, caitlin eileen adam and I went to the brewery to watch a movie called office space. it was so funny. Eileen was resting her head on my ass cuz its a nice pillow..and I kept laughing really hard so  I guess her head was bobbing up and down and up and down.  Tomorrow I think is my last payday of the summer :(...and I think Im hanging out with the twins tomorrow too! yay I havent seen them for soo long! Right now Im drinking lemonade and sitting by the fan ....its sooo hot!!
 
Im tired so Im off to bed till my last day of babysitting!!
Night
*Hillary*

So since I dyed my hair and we all know its way too dark, I am about to cut a lot of it off. I have this theory that blondes can have their hair longer cuz its less noticable or something. With my hair as long as it is..when I was blonde it didnt seem that long to me, and now that its black, I feel like the girl from the ring and I cant wear it any other way than in a high or low bun. Kristin and Liz FINALLY called me today to see if I wanted to go to the beach but I was babysitting and didnt have my phone so I didnt get to talk to them. Tomorrow I am getting a cellophane in my hair and a free tan, and then Eileen Adam and I are going to this outdoor movie thing at the brewery. Im excited for that. Last night my sister got in an accident and totalled her car and another one..and is probably going to get a neglegant driving ticket and her insurance will go up to around 300 per month! Thats a shit load!! Sunday I leave for soccer camp, and then it will be SOO CLOSE TO CHELAN TIME! Im sooo excited!!
One more thing, I have this huge hatred in me for *edit* (you should know who and if you dont..you shouldnt know), and the more time that goes by..the bigger it gets.
I hope she dies a horrible death

I hope all goes well with my hair..
Hillary*

Last night I finally went for it..Kevin and I dyed my hair DARK! Its so so sO SO dark its like 1/2 a shade away from being black. I dont really like it that dark, but I am so glad I did it because I am so sick of blonde growout problems..I hope it fades into more of a brownish..So today I went and babysat. Jake is Kelly's son and he was there. Nothin big happened there. Then Kevin and I went to Jamba Juice and I got an aloha pineapple smoothie..and he went and got wendys, I got fries that were so nasty and crunchy. I bit into one and it exploded all over me and the car. haha! I went and worked out with Eileen, and talked to Caitlin and Chantel for a while cuz they were at Manna, they all saw my hair and liked it basically but we all agree its really dark..
 
well...Kevin just told me he loves me.  Its been a while since I heard that one
phatfarmones: I love u
giggins2: ?
giggins2: are you serious
phatfarmones: Im serious
 
Tomorrow Im babysitting then working out then I dont know..prolly cashing my check and paying my sister off and more to my mom.. anyways Im hella tired so Im off to bed
 
Just one more thing I realized tonight when I was outside calling for Rockia..I have no reason to ever call out her name ever again..cuz she will never respond...Im so sad for losing her, I feel like its all my fault, if I had just brought her to bed with me last Sunday night.
 
the change in my life is going good...I feel a whole new me coming out
 
Hillary*

My New Strategy...Walls

Walls between me and guys

Walls between my friends and my feelings

Walls between me and the world

Walls between anything dangerous to me.

It seems like it will be the only way to keep myself from getting in trouble, fights or heartbreaking relationships.  Starting today

 

Caitlin got home today!!

 

Yesterday I went shopping! I got 3 new shirts and a skirt! whoo hoo

 

Last night, Kevin and Chantel spent the night, and we stayed up till 2 in the morning playing cards, then slept for 2 hours and got up again at 4 to go work in the concession stand in anacortes. It was hard shit!! I sold my sterio, a pair of jeans, and a Tshirt tho so that was cool and I ran the register a lot. Kev and I got $40 each and Chantel got $20, just cuz she wasnt there to help get ready for today for the last like week. I think its pretty fair.. I earned...3+.50+30+40....thats..73.50!!! Thats how much I earned today Im so excited I can pay off my sister and more of my mom and then...send Greg the rest of what I owe him! I only owe my mom 185$ now!!

 

Tomorrow I have NOTHING to do! So my plan is to get up and go running, then who knows, my mom asked me to invite someone to go to this breakfast thing with her and Dan and Kevin asked what Im doing..so maybe those 2 things will come together. lol

 
Hillary

today sucked major ass until the nighttime
this morning my cell phone somehow reset the time and made me think it was 1 PM when I woke up when really it was only 9 30 AM and so I jumped out of my bed onto my asleep foot and wobbled literally stumbeling over myself every step of the way into the living room where my mom was on the phone. I was like GOD FUCKING DAMNIT MOM CAN YOU DRIVE ME TO CHUCKS IM SO LATE! my mom was like giving me this look like shut up and go away ...so I just went back to my room and kept yelling. then I realized it was not even 10 and I got madder. My mom came in and told me that Keiths sister died the other day by falling off her balcony. What a sad story..then I left and met Kevin at the donut shop and went to babysit. I was locked out of the house where i was supposed to babysit but then I finally got in..I went up to hunters room and I didnt realize the ceiling is an A thing that slants..and I walked straight into the ceiling and hit my head hella hard. We came up to my house for lunch and Hunter asked to see my nice kitty, Rockia. :'(...I called her..and called her..and she didnt come. I figured she didnt want to see people so I just let her sleep wherever she was. 10 minutes later I started looking for her cuz she always comes when I call her. I looked for like 40 minutes with Hunter and Makenzie. Then we went outside and started yelling for her. She is gone..its been more than a whole day since I last saw her and Im getting really sad. Shes my little baby and I cant stand losing her I rescued her from being eaten and Ive had her since..for like 8+ years. Anyone who knows me knows that my cats mean the world to me...Im so sad. So then when I was sitting in my living room picking out which picture of her to put on the lost cat posters, Eileen was gona come over to work out. My mom came running in and gave me a wierd look..I went outside and Eileen had ran her car into the car port..holy shit. what a fucked up day.

So the night I went to Allisons and ....:) we had a good time I dont wana write about it but..I met a lot of new people thank god.

Hillary

I dont think Im going to write very much tonight cuz I should have been sleeping an hour ago..but today I babysat and then tonight Chantel Eileen (Kevin) and I had our Fondue party!! We made chocolate covered strawberries, bananas (not for me !!!), apples, and marshmellows. It was so fun!! wow and then we watched "i love the 90's" and "i love the 91's" I think the 91 thing is wrong but it was about 1991..It is fucking hillaryous what those people come up with and for once I remember it all! Kevin and I came home at 11 30 and he showed me where Chris broke his vent by punching it..all I know is Chris will never..EVER ride in my car. He has no respect for personal belongings wow. He totally fucked up Kevins vent and...on Friday night he got Eileen in trouble by her mom by talking about how he ran from cops in front of her. Come ON!! Last night I went to see Spider man with Chantel ... I cant write about it in here for reasons I cant say haha.
I spent 140$ between Friday night at 6 and Sunday night at 8...how sad is that..and I didnt get ANYTHING I could keep from it.
I payed my mom 80$ towards my car (270 left to pay!)
I payed Eileen 20$ and got rid of all my debt to her!!!
I payed my sister 20$ for all the shit I bought on Ebay..I still owe her like 45$
and then I went and saw 2 movies and bought 3 dollars worth of candy for one of em..so thats like 20$ ish
No more money from my last week of babysitting! Now all I have to pay off is...
Greg for the Kenny Chesney concert..I think 25$
and Shalia 45$
and my mom 270$
I will never be rich....:'(
wow I didnt realize how much money I need to make :( well I hope I sell my sterio at the thing on Saturday! that will be 60$, then I get 20ish for the day of work..so 80!!! OK ill shut up bout what money I need..umm Im off to bed so I can wake up and work more..
Hillary*

heres everything Eileen said to me tonight...she is soo good to get advice from! its kinda like tough love tho..I left out all the places she called me retarded lol

her: wow u need a life

me: I have issues with my subliminal CD
her: how so?
me: it plays sounds that are really depressing...
her: like ghosts?
me: it was supposed to be ocean waves, but it sounds like rain and rain, and then you get hella depressed by it, and then theres birds chirping like the sun is coming up then all the sudden theres a huge crash like you just plunged into the ocean and ur getting deeper in depression
her: hahaha sad
me: how the FUCK am I gona sleep with that shit playing, let alone lose weight or learn from it
her: hmmm cry urself to sleep and then u lose the water weight


her: dont give up the maddness

her: wow thats bad
her: we should definitely not go out wit him
me: 'we' hahah its a group thing
her: well i feel like im a part of the relationship considering i think i know almost everything

me: am I being a bitch or wrong?
her: no i thnk the same....but ima bitch

her: okay now u
me: ya
her: u r unhealthy in the mind
me: are you serious
her: yes that is unhealthy wut u just said

me: I think it will all depend on what happens with this guy on Saturday
her: i dont really think nething will happen wit the guy on satuday
me: I know :-(
^ haha ^ way to be blunt!

heres a self esteem booster..this was comforting through the tears..

her: u have guyz fuckin notice u all the time
her: ur pissim me off
me: old mexican wierd men
her: wut the fuck.. (name edit), (edit name) and (name edit)
me: OH GOD!(name edit) was online when he noticed me, (edit) wants pussy, and (edit) is dilusional
her: no shut the fuck up. u have so many ppl tell u that u r gorgeous all the time
her: just when u go out random guyz come up to u and tell u that. i would kill for that and here u are bitching about it..seriously
her: u have mental health issues, i would fuckin kill to look like u
her: kill
HAHA with every compliment there is an equal and opposite insult!! the law of friendships *omg that was hella nerdy excuse that..*

Thanks for the 'pep talk' Eileen..I CANT WAIT TILL THIS WEEKEND WHEN WE GO RUNNING YAY!


One more thing, tomorrow, all of my debt will be undone!!!

Hillary

Yesterday I FINALLY got to hang out with Chantel again! wow it had been sooo long..thanks to her LOVELY dad and councilor and Lynn..me and Eileen worked out at curves, and they got the last machine, the oblique machine!! yay. Then I went to her house and we did our yoga thing and Chantel watched and laughed. I dont think anyone can watch us work out and NOT laugh. Eileen even stops to watch me and laugh sometimes, thats sad. So at night, Kevin and I were texting, and I asked what he did. He said "oh yeah my sister saw you today too" *his mom did too* and I was like "oh cool I was all over the place...what did you do today?" and he said something TOTALLY off the subject "well Im gona go to bed" (it was 10 20ish) like obviously avoiding my question which is stupid cuz its not a hard question to answer. So I asked 'Kevin are you avoiding telling me what you did today or something?' and he goes "forget it Im done talking to you today".........I must have missed something in the conversation where I pissed him off. I havent even left anything out..this is like word for word convo. so I was like whatever..then I was like ok are you mad at me? and he goes "im going to lift weights and go to sleep bye". So I called him and he didnt answer..but his phone was on. then like an hour later after some coaching and convincing ;) thanks u know who u are..I called again and he answered. I was soo mad at him so I just asked him what his problem was and when he said nothing I hung up. he drove kinda past me walking today and didnt wave or stop or nething. I dont know if its just me, but GUYS arent supposed to throw fits and be little bitches like that. Of course now I think that he has something to hide about what he did yesterday or why would he get mad at me for asking and be all defensive? god...
I cant wait for Saturday ;) for a few reasons. No babysitting! and...Im going to see Notebook with the girls and a couple other people that Im excited to meet. Im about to go hang out with Eileen and Cait and Chantel at Evens swim meet, EXCITING!
By the way..theres a little section on the bottom of each of my posts, you people should post comments so I know you are reading the stuff I write in here!!

Bridget* lol

I just went through the story of 'us' with this guy..and he is making me doubt my choice..or Im making myself realize bad decisions..
not helping the situation is the fact that Kevins blowing me off

What a day!
Funny story about today:
the girl Im babysitting that Ive known for YEARS...thinks my name is Bridget, she kept calling me that today and I never corrected her cuz I really didnt know how! haha

Hillary

I cant remember writing in here for soo long..the last time I remember writing is when Herrick left and I put in the song and was just sitting here crying my eyes out. Now that its summer, Im not at my computer very much cuz Im out doing things, instead of procrastinating on doing homework. I didnt get the job at the bank, but I start my job of babysitting tomorrow morning, Chuck is picking me up at 6 50 in the morning!! Thats earlier than I left for school this year! After I babysit the plan is for Cait Kevin and I to go visit Eileen..WOW!! I HAVENT TOLD BOUT LAST NIGHT! Last night was the fourth!! Caitlin, Kevin, Rita, Eileen, Chris H and Eileens whole fam and neighborhood spent the night blowing off fireworks. Before that, at Caitlins house we had an interesting run-in with Caits mom, but Im not gona say anything else about it cuz Im almost positive my mom reads this thing now..anyways it was really fun!! All the girls stayed the night at Eileens house and so did her brother and his friend Kevin. I made up the coolest song..and Ill put the lyrics in here, but you wont get the FULL effect because you didnt get to hear me singing it all night..so the reason I made it up is because Evan and Kevin and Eileens dad Jon were going to light off three big fireworks in a row..
Evan and Kevin and Jon!
Evan and Kevin and Jon!
Evan and Kevin and Evan and Kevin and
Evan and Kevin and Jon!!!
Today I went a lot of places with Kevin.....I gota go to bed tho so Ill write more later.
Hillary*