Thought I would update this blog after ohhh what has it been now? five months? lol. Well I decided that Im going to update on here until I graduate from Highschool and then print out all the pages and keep them in a scrap book as a memior of my highschool years. So here are some blogs that Ive left on my Myspace since my birthday:

Saturday, November 12, 2005
Life doesnt slow down..not one bit Current mood: astonished Category: Life
Senior year is blowing by so fast I dont even know what to do with myself. Im stuck in a whirlwind of activity and I cant even slow down to see who Ive lost in all the confusion. Im working two jobs, have no car (mine is in the shop), and I am desperately trying to scrape enough money together to get my ass down to Virginia in ONE MONTH. There are deadlines approaching for my senior project, college essays due, school work, bills to pay...
Here is a basic run down of my life right now. Ive been working about 6 hours a day..between 4 and 10 on week nights after I get home from school. Then on weekends Im working either 6:30 AM - 4 PM or 4 PM - 11 PM. The upside is the fact that I make about 75$ in tips per 4 hour serving shift. The downside is a falter in my grades. My main dilemma right now is money. I am raking it in...but there is so much demand in my lifestyle that NONE of the things I need or want are getting paid for. My car, as I said, is in the shop for the second time this week. Ive dropped 200 dollars on it since last Sunday. Not including the insurance Im paying tomorrow. It is rediculous because that car isnt worth shit. One night last week when I got home from work..I was really stressed out and overly frusterated with my car..so I told my mom that I didnt care what kind of debt it put me in..I NEED A NEW CAR. And by new I dont mean a 10 year old peice of shit that is going to break down on me and cost me hundreds of random dollars that I dont have. To my great suprise..she agreed. I thought she would immediately shoot the idea down by telling me that I dont have enough of an income to be making obligations with money that are so high. She knows it is worth it though..so we have been car shopping and I am looking for a 2003 or newer with less than 30K miles on it. My only criteria is this :
- no body damage-not too expensive-not maroon, red, white, green, silver or champagne (basically blue or black..)- automatic-cute. :)and Im not settling until that is what I drive. The plan is to save up enough money to put a 2500$ down payment on a car..after selling my current car for about $1500..and then be making 300$ a month payments on it until its paid off in about 5 years. That leaves me with enough money to buy a $20,000 car. Anyways..thats what my life is all about right now. Rubys and car shopping. And school I guess. No boys..except Im interested in a few, and soccer is about to end which Im sad about cuz I havent even played in 5 games this season.

Hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving..I probably wont be posting for a couple more months..unless I get a car :) or if I go to Virginia..which god willing, I will!

PS. I applied to Chaminade..and now I dont think I want to go there. I am actually considering community college for a couple years so I dont get into huge amounts of debt. . .because OH I forgot to tell you: my dying grandpa hates me
Currently listening: 100 Years By Five for Fighting Release date: By 15 June, 2004
11:16 PM

Thursday, December 08, 2005
two quotes to live by. and by no means religiously Category: Life
So...Im going to Virginia in about 3 weeks, the semester ends in about a month..and I applied for Chaminade. Today I got a letter from my grandparents telling me they will only pay for my tuition if I choose a school in Washington. Which I am not very inclined to do..even though I do know that I could get a good education here. There are a couple other factors I need to take into consideration (cost of living..occupations..racism) anyways I heard these two quotes recently and they are amazing.

When I get where Im going on the far side of the sky, the first thing Im going to do is spread my wings and fly. When I get where Im going, I will love and have no fear.

"I feel like its all passing me by so fast, that I should stop and take it all in!""That's what memories are for. You will remember every second of it."

So true.
<3
6:11 PM

Wednesday, January 25, 2006
College can really just stop stressing me out AT ANY TIME now Current mood: pessimistic Category: School, College, Greek
You know, with all of the "information", financial aid and advice readily available to students heading off to college, it would seem to me that preparing for the journey would NOT be so difficult. I am beyond the point of stressed out, I have no clue who to turn to for advice about financial help (because I dont qualify for FAFSA and I am not black or mexican I apparently have no right to need assistance in that department), and I feel like my dream of going to Chaminade is completely impossible. I wish I could just make up my mind and say
"Im going to Chaminade. Im moving there in July and I am going to be a forensic scientist 4 years from today."
But there is sooo much surrounding that simple goal that its like Im stuck turning in circles begging for help. Yeah, I did apply for scholarships. None of them were awarded to me. They say that 6000 scholarships go un-claimed each year, well maybe they should make them attainable by students. Yes, I applied to Chaminade, and was accepted. But now since I will need to live in a dorm I have to apply for housing, which costs 300$. JUST TO APPLY ! And then 6000$ a year thereafter to pay the rent. Now that my grandpa has pulled out all means of support (due to my decision not to stay in Washington) I am left on my own with nobody to co-sign and nobody to point me in the right direction.
How do people manage to do this?!?! Im so frusterated and I dont know which step to take first. Should I apply for student loans before I know if my grandpa will give in and help pay? Should I be looking for an apartment in Hawaii? Shouldnt I be doing SOMETHING to get the ball rolling? ew. I hate all of this indecision!
College makes me want to cry. Im so scared, confused and annoyed. Where are the college counselors who CARE? All of you Juanita people know that Mr Peretti is of no use to anybody who has a serious question. So who do I ask? I dont want to give up on my dreams because nobody knows Im TOTALLY FUCKING LOST right now
2:24 PM
- comments to blog:

*SPANK ME DADDY*
well, don't give up. i know that you can go to that school. look for more scolarships, there are tons of them around, you don't have to be a mexiacan or asian or black to get one. i'm going to bcc and i thought my financial aid would cover everything but it didn't i had to pay more than i thought. anyways, don't worry you have almost a year to do everything. call the financial aid office for chaminade. they will help you. i'm not surprised that they haven't done it for you. so just try and finish high school and talk to the finanical aid office. i hope this helps. bye.

rachel
Posted by *SPANK ME DADDY* on Thursday, January 26, 2006 at 8:41 AM

..Chantizz..
i totaly understand your passion to be a forensic scientist, you have always known Chaminade was where you wanted to be, and honestly i think no matter how many years in debt you become you should apply for financial aid (and try and get more scholarships) and just go. i know it sounds easier than it is done but i think you would regret not going. Chaminade seems to be the best in specializing in forensics which would be a great opportunity but at the same time there are smaller opportunities here in washington. good luck with your decision babe!

<3..Chantel
Posted by ..Chantizz.. on Thursday, January 26, 2006 at 9:01 PM

Friday, February 24, 2006
If you arent easily offended by religious debate:
Current mood: scared
Buy "The End Of Faith". It is the most intelligently written book I have ever come accross in my life:"The doors leading out of scriptured literalism do not open from the inside. Tell a devout Christian that his wife is cheating on him, or that frozen yogurt can make a man invisible, and he is likely to reqiure as much evidence as anyone else, and to be persuaded only to the extent that you give it. Tell him that the book he keeps by his bed was written by an invisible deity who will punish him with fire for eternity if he fails to accept its every incredible claim about the universe, and he seems to require no evidence whatsoever.""If religion addresses a genuine sphere of understanding and human necessity, then it should be susceptible to progress; its doctrines should become more useful rather than less....It cannot survive the changes that have come over us- culturally, technologically, and even ethically."Amazing. I strongly recommend this book to anybody with an open mind. It is very powerful and will not fail to at least slightly alter the way you look at the world of religous faith.Hillary
Currently listening: Goodbye My Lover By James Blunt Release date: By 24 January, 2006 1:01 AM
comments to this blog:

holy rattlesnakes.
oh hillary you're my hero
i could go on and on but i'll leave it at that.
Posted by holy rattlesnakes. on Thursday, March 02, 2006 at 8:25 PM]


Friday, March 03, 2006
My Perspective On Love Current mood: awake
Im sick of people telling me I am shallow. I am fully aware of the fact that I have extremely high standards when it comes to guys, I admit that I dont even give most guys a chance unless they are so persistant that I wont be able to get them to go away until I do. The fact is, I dont need to lower my standards and be content with whatever comes at me. I am SO YOUNG and have so much time ahead of me, I dont see a point in rushing into a relationship with somebody who isnt exactly what Im looking for, only to find 5 years down the road that there is somebody better for me. I am happily single, and I dont feel the need to be emotionally supported or dependant on somebody else. There are so many things going on in my life right now that are driving me mad without the added jealousy, drama, time consumption and emotional drainage of a boyfriend. Yes, there are many upsides to having a boyfriend..but at this point in time I am satisfied with the friendships Ive made and the time I get to spend with those close friends.This is not to say that people are wrong to be in relationships at this time in their lives, to each his own, there are different reasons that people are involved with eachother and in some cases people have already found their 'special somebody'. Congratulations on that, I am not trying to offend you at all. The point of this is to let the people who are constantly talking me down because of my standards know that I have the right to decide who I will get involved with, I also am not any less mature because of the fact that I realize I am not ready for a serious relationship. If anything, Im more mature because I have the ability to disipher between my own emotional problems that make me want to feel validated, and my longing for a boyfriend. The two things, in my mind, should not be relative to eachother.
Hillary
Currently reading: The End of Faith: Religion, Terror, and the Future of Reason By Sam Harris Release date: By 10 October, 2005
1:42 PM

comments on this blog:
RHYS
ohh i love you and your not shallow
Posted by RHYS on Friday, March 03, 2006 at 3:10 PM

Caitlin
ohhh hillary. u know u arent into guys anymore anywyas. thats why we started our club. annd i agree 500,000,000% on this blog.
loveeee you.
Posted by Caitlin on Friday, March 03, 2006 at 3:26 PM[Remove] [Reply to this]
Dry Heave
A couple of things I've learned about relationships.
? Dating should prepare one for marriage. Well if you don't plan on getting married, date anyways, right?
? You shouldn't have a boy/girl friend to complete you. Get one to accentuate you. Yeah that makes 'em sound like an accessory, but isn't that what girls are anyway.
And why 'settle'? That just means you couldn't find anyone better. You're 18, you have a good 15 years of prime poon time left. Then bag yourself a SugarDaddy.
Posted by Dry Heave on Friday, March 03, 2006 at 7:54 PM

♥[Priscilla]♥
AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!

ILY!
And this is soooo true!
Posted by ♥[Priscilla]♥ on Saturday, March 04, 2006 at 8:19 AM

~♥Kaitlin♥~
your amazing! go Hillary!
Posted by ~♥Kaitlin♥~ on Saturday, March 04, 2006 at 5:18 PM

Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Marriage. Category: Life
Contrary to what you might think after reading my previous blogs..I am not actually a heartless emotionless a-sexual bitch. I do believe in marriage and relationships. I dont believe in using another individual in an effort to find your inner self. I KNOW that the only way to find the person within you is through self investigation and through life experience. Today I watched "When Harry Met Sally" and I found some things very insightful. Then I (if you know me, you know I should probably marry Google) googled some quotes about love (family and intimate) and marriage; so since they represent much of what I beleive, I wanted to share some of them on here."The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.You need only do three things in this country to avoid poverty - finish high school, marry before having a child, and marry after the age of 20. Only 8 percent of the families who do this are poor; 79 percent of those who fail to do this are poor.
Get Married Stay Married What a concept
I knew couples who'd been married almost forever -- forty, fifty, sixty years. Seventy-two, in one case. They'd be tending each other's illnesses, filling in each other's faulty memories, dealing with the money troubles or the daughter's suicide, or the grandson's drug addiction. And I was beginning to suspect that it made no difference whether they'd married the right person. Finally, you're just with who you're with. You've signed on with her, put in a half century with her, grown to know her as well as you know yourself or even better, and she's become the right person. Or the only person, might be more to the point.
Dear Abby: Some months ago, you printed a letter from a reader who was disturbed that the spark was gone from her marriage. I asked my husband whether the spark is gone from our 18-year marriage.His response: "A spark lasts only a second. It lights a fire. When the flame burns down, we are left with the hottest part of the fire, the embers, which burn the longest and keep the fire alive.""
Basically, I dont support marrying for the purpose of love. I will marry smart; to a man with a strong moral base, similar political and religious values, an honest heart, strong will, and a means to support himself if I were to die unexpectedly. I hope he will expect the same from me. Hopefully those things combined, plus a love that never fails for both of us at the same time, will help me to create the best possible lifelong match for myself.
7:28 PM

Comments on this blog:
holy rattlesnakes.
oh it's smart but it lacks romance! just marry some one european.
Posted by holy rattlesnakes. on Saturday, March 11, 2006 at 12:29 PM